Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Princes continued...sort of

Now, the elder prince developed a friendship with another prince. Their stories were very similar and they got on marvelously. And even though the elder prince had hoped that the relationship might develop into something more, it did not but he was more than content to have his friend. In fact, this other prince became one of the best friends that he'd ever known.

There came a time when it became necessary that the princes go their own way and find out who and what they really were. Neither of them would be princes forever. The other prince fell in love and knew what he wanted to become and did not lose sight or faith. He became what he saw for himself and even though his love had spoiled, he found love again. It did not take long before the other prince realized that the person he had wished to become was not within the life that he was living. He found another love and this love accepted him, prince or no prince.

Meanwhile, the elder prince still struggled. It was many years before the friends found each other again. In fact, enough time had passed that each was no longer a prince but their friendship was not based on their status and had endured. The elder still struggled and the other tried with all of the vast knowledge that he'd managed to accumulate to help his friend but it was not within the scope of his powers to do so. The elder still knew that it was his own lot to navigate his way. The other supported him and encouraged him in every way he knew. The elder knew that the other would love him regardless of his course but that did not dispel the fear and sadness that the elder held tightly within himself.

Monday, March 30, 2009

That wasn't at all transparent, was it???

Experimental Literature

I'm going to try something new. I have no idea where the idea came from so I hope I can be forgiven for whatever trite or negative karmic points I get for this...but, I'm going to try a short story.

The backwards format of the blog doesn't make for the best conduit for this but it's my blog, damn it and I'll do what I want!!

Once upon time, there were two princes. Each was very much loved and their parents wanted nothing but the best for them. So, each was encouraged to learn languages...three apiece. They were taught music...both theory and instruments. One chose the piano and the other chose the saxophone. They were encouraged in sporting events such as soccer, baseball, tennis, riding, skiing and the elder in golf. Literature was of paramount importance and each was endlessly read stories and encouraged to read anything and everything that struck their fancy. They were continually supported and loved beyond all measure. They were denied nothing.

There was a twist to this story, the princes' mother was raised as a princess herself but their father was not of royal birth. The boys' mother believed that children should be allowed to be children and the father believed that they should be taught responsibility. However, the father doted on his sons as well. There was no problem or issue that arose for the boys that their Daddy could not fix.

There came a time when the mother decided that the family should have a portrait to commemorate themselves. It was said by a friend of the boys that they looked like the princes they were but that it was too bad they had no kingdom. To the younger, this made no difference. He'd always been one to go his own way. However, to the elder, this meant that he'd have to fend for himself. This terrified him beyond all reason.

Both children had always been told that they were wonderful, intelligent and could do anything that their hearts desired. "Anything" tends to be a very long list.

The elder prince had a very difficult time in deciding what he may want to do with his life since he learned that he would not always be a prince. The younger knew exactly what he wanted to be but he did have some difficulty in adjusting to life as a common man and not a well-provided-for prince.

As the years went by, it became obvious that the princes would have difficulty adjusting to their new roles. While their Daddy continued to fix the impediments in their lives, they each continued to struggle. Each had his own battles but some they fought were common to both. Some, Daddy could not fix. Even with all of the resources at their command, Daddy and their mother could not lift all of the burdens that each of princes had to face. (It must be noted, however, that most of these hurdles where placed by the princes themselves.)

To this day, the princes continue to struggle with the reality that they are NOT, in fact, princes but ordinary men that must fend for themselves. While their Daddy will continue to endeavour to make their lives as trouble free as possible, he cannot (and ultimately should not) fix all of the obstacles that his sons must face. They will love him no less for this and will of course, when needs be, depend on him to come to their aid and "fix it". Their mother, the princess, will always love them no matter what they may do or become.

Thursday, March 26, 2009


I've had a humbling experience in that I've learned that my sense of humor can, quite often, be taken the wrong way. I posted that according to Kevin, I haven't been right since 1997. This is a joke that I've said out loud on a few occasions but that it can most certainly be taken the wrong way and cast Kevin in a bad light. That was certainly NOT my intent. I think it's funny but I guess, sometimes funny can hurt.

A lot of people keep a blog as a journal. I very dear friend of mine does and has been recognized for it. It has never been my intent for this to replace a private journal. I have chosen to keep it public, for whatever that's worth. That decision has caused some confusion in that I've often been tempted to vent in an attempt at catharsis but I've resisted that in favor keeping things on a more even keel. Obviously, the last days with Nellie were not exactly light but they were true feelings and that's the closest I've come.

I received my first fan message via Facebook yesterday (regarding the anthology)...it was very humbling, appreciated and really kind of fun.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Why yes, it can get worse!

The POD is bordering on unbearable. Given that I have no staff (I have a secretary that works part time for the nursery and two temp agency guys), I'm VERY quickly running out of steam. I only have three months left but traditionally, these are the busiest three months. I'm actually looking forward to unemployment at this point. Although, being the cynic, I'm sure they'll find a way to fire my instead of laying me off so that I can't collect unemployment.

Anyway, via Facebook, I've reconnected with some old friends. Memories that have been forgotten on one side have been held on to and cherished on the other. And what they say about "everybody's on Facebook" certainly seems to be true. There's only been one person that I haven't been able to find. Which is sad, I miss her quirky sense of humor.

However, all of the old times have certainly made me melancholy and given my propensity toward depressed states, that might not be the best thing for me. I have a couple of new friends but nothing like things used to be. Kevin tells me that I live in the past and sometimes in the future but never in the moment...screw that. The moment sucks rocks!!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Bella...hell hound or cuddle bunny????

So, I finally have a picture of Bella to post. She really is a sweet dog...when she's not barking, and jumping on me and trying to bite me. She doesn't do those things to Kevin so it's so sort of game that she's come up with for me. One of us is still going home around lunch (today it's my turn) to make sure that she's walked and hopefully doesn't do anything naughty in the house. Lately, she's been very good about being good. (knock on wood!!!!!) She's had a couple of accidents recently but we think they had much more to do with a urinary infection than not knowing that she's supposed to piss outside. There for a while, Kevin was convinced that he wanted to throw her into a dumpster...I think he's finally given over on that.
She has developed this thing about hopping around on the bed when I'm trying to make it. Apparently, it's great fun to get in the way and make it almost impossible to take care of the bed. I try walking away and when she comes after me, I turn around and run back to get as much made as possible before she hops back up and then start over again. Of course, Kevin pointed out that I've made the game even more fun for her. But then again, if one where to ask Kevin, I haven't done anything right since sometime around 1997. But I'm sure that date is wrong :)

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Just Another Day

Things have been a bit rough at the POD these days. I only have about three months left before I'm unemployed. I've been going through Career Buildings and Hot Jobs, etc but there just isn't anything that I seem to be qualified for. I'd make more on unemployment than I would working for McDonalds or Wendy's...but when that runs out, I'm certainly not too proud to take a job working fast food. The first job I ever had was at Nordstrom when I was 18. After that, I worked at KFC for almost a year. So, I've done the food service industry thing before. Honestly, I'd really rather not do it again...but I would. I do think that everyone should HAVE to at some point in their life; just so that they know what it's like and not be such douche bags to the folks stuck behind the counter. (Incidentally, and not to sound like a snob, I also think that everyone should go to Paris once in their life...not that it would come close to explaining why the Parisians are such douche bag dildos. The rest of the French aren't like that. Most are nice people.)

So, I've been thinking of all of the projects that I'll do while unemployed. Scrub the walls, touch up the paint, finish my sewing projects, I'd like to finish one of the novels that I've started, get the attic organized...then there are the everyday things like cleaning the house, cooking dinner, ironing and laundry. I don't know what kind of house frau I'll make but it will be kind of fun to find out. We're trying to get as much paid off as possible before July and have all sorts of schemes involving the pay out for my annual leave and shuffling money around. I think we'll be alright but it will certainly be tight. No Prada shoes or Armani jeans. One of my big goals, however, is to go to the gym everyday...religiously. However, I have enough "skinny" clothes in storage from before I gained 45 pounds that I won't have to worry about a new wardrobe. In fact, I have at least three wardrobes...the one I'm wearing now...let's call it the "fat" suite. Then there's the "in between" suite...that's fairly small and not too designery. (I don't know if that's a word but let's go with it.) Then there's the "skinny" clothes. When I was 45 pounds lighter, I bought all sorts of wonderful things by the most wonderful designers. Anyone who really knows this stuff and pays attention to it will recognize that they are a couple of years old but I don't care. If I can fit into Armani, Burberry, Kenneth Cole and Prada again...life would be SWEET!!!! That doesn't make me shallow and vapid...does it??

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

I Grant Thee Beauty, Harmony and Serenity...or whatever

Someone who has become a very dear friend recently gave me a coin. She'd carried it for some time so the fact that she'd give it up so that I had something to worry on when I get stressed out or run my thumb around the raised edge to remind myself to breath properly means a VERY great deal. I doubt she realizes just how much. She reminds me that there are still good people in the world...they may be a rare commodity...but they're out there.

So, I stopped by Starbucks last night and ordered a DECAF latte. I didn't fall asleep until 3ish this morning. The 6:10 alarm came all too quickly. It didn't occur to me to connect the two, I just didn't know why I couldn't sleep. Kev was the one who put them together...I'm banking on the bastards slipping me regular and since I always order a double...that means four shots of caffeinated espresso. Again I say bastards!!!

I finally found a picture of Banks so that will be added...don't have one of Bella as of yet. She's picking up the rules of the pack pretty quickly. I think she'll end up being a good dog and addition to the family.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

hyposcricy, closing ranks and love in varied forms

I recently saw the movie "He's Just Not That Into You", and in it, there is a diatribe by Drew Barrymore where she goes on about email, text, voicemail, mobile phone, home phone, Facebook/MySpace, etc. That has really hit home for me. As anyone looking at the dates of this blog can tell, all portals of technology are done in fits-and-starts with me. I'm really bad at getting back to Facebook stuff (although, to be honest, most of it is because I have not the damnedest idea what the different between a "wall" and a "note" are...I think that a "message" is similar to an email...although why they don't just call it an email is beyond my limited range of understanding) but I do try and all of the friends in my list are much loved and represent very, very fond memories.

In fact, (to get a bit off topic), some of them have literally made me the man I am today and I can't even begin to imagine my life without them. Even those that I haven't spoken to in decades have had such an impact on the make up of "me" that they will always be much loved and reside in my heart, whether they know it or not. It simply amazes me that I'm now able to drop a note to someone that even a year ago, I couldn't imagine that I'd ever see or hear from again. Case in point (and while I doubt he'll read this, I apologize for using his real name but there's really no way to tell the story without it), in high school, I had a friend named Blake Evan Dursteler...so, Blake E. Dursteler (I guess I could have left the last name off???). Somehow, I got away with calling him Blakey all through our peer group years. The only other person that I know of who managed that was his grandmother. I have no idea how it worked out that way but it's something that just stuck in my head...it's been an endearment that hasn't lost any affection even though, until a few weeks ago, I hadn't seen or spoken to Blake in God only knows how long.

Also, someone who has meant more to me and has been so ingrained in my makeup than I could ever begin to describe, via Facebook, I finally admitted how difficult her divorce has been on me. Her ex was also a friend...and a good one. He hasn't made any effort to contact me but neither have I done the same...so the friendship lacks a bit. But still, there was an affinity that made me sad to lose. Don't get me wrong, I wish her more than happiness; I wish her love beyond all measure. And as kind, generous and loving as she is, I'm certain that she has more than enough karmic points to get it.

However...I also found out via Facebook (although in all fairness, my mother did call not too long ago) that one of my cousins has a mass in his chest that certainly appears to be cancerous. He's in his 20's. A couple of years ago, I was in Oregon for his mother's wedding. The trip before that was my grandfather's funeral. As I recently told another cousin (the one that I'm probably closest to), I CANNOT make another trip to Portland for a funeral. I don't pray often but I certainly am for Joseph. The thing about my family, especially Joseph and his siblings, is that we close ranks quickly. I'll fly up as soon as I'm needed but I really, really hope that it's not necessary.

Monday, March 9, 2009

New dog and old excuses

Once again, I've become REALLY bad at this. My problem, I've decided, is that it's hard for me to figure out how much, exactly, to say. Too little is boring and too much is whining.

A bit of news, Kevin found a boxer puppy (about 10 months old) to adopt. It was a bit soon for me but she's very sweet. And a handful. Something that I found out was that boxers, as a breed, have two different ear types. One is upright and the other is floppy. Back when they'd tack the ears, it didn't matter. Well, Bella has one of each. I think, more than anything, that's what endeared her to me. She's just not quite right.

Kevin picked the name. It's "partly" from the Twilight series...not that he'd ever admit to really liking it anyway. He's never bothered to mention where the other part is from. I like the name but the problem is that I have a cousin named Isabella...Bella...or to much of the family, myself included; Bellie. So, most of the time, I end up calling the dog Bellie. Awhile ago, she was being particularly obnoxious and I referred to her as Lillith. Kevin didn't get the reference and in fact, his brother was the only one who did. After I explained it to Kevin, it didn't really care for it and doesn't like it...so, of course I do it all the time.